Drama. We all love it. We love watching it on the television, one table over in the coffee shop (you know, that couple making a very loud scene). It’s natural to want to spice up our lives with a little bit of it.
Via TheSun
It’s just one of my little vices, I can’t help myself, routine is just so dull. Now, you have to understand, I’m not a particularly dramatic person myself, so in order to compensate, I land myself in the most overly-complicated situations (not deliberately of course).
Via KoreanDramaGuide
I fee like sharing some of the stupid things I’ve wound up doing might burn my credibility irreparably. So you will have to forgive me for not sharing.
Rules For a Drama-Free Dating Environment:
1. Don’t make a scene. Argue Properly. Also, fight at home! Don’t be ‘that couple’, in the kitchen, at a party, that all their friends spend the whole evening pretending not to hear what they’re saying.
Via FishOnSand
2. Try not to jump to conclusions. That’s how most overly-dramatic arguments start. (Whenever I think of conclusions, it always reminds me of a scene in The Phantom Tollbooth; Milo and his two companions make a silly assumption and find themselves stranded on the island Conclusions. With no way off and have to swim to shore.).
Before making up your mind about something, and letting it ignite a huge fight, make sure you have all your facts straight (or you too, may up stranded in a very unpleasant situation).
Via Starsamikhan
3. Avoid hurling sharp objects. That’s just good advice in general.
4. Don’t, and I mean DON’T, under any circumstances, tell the other person they are being dramatic. Telling someone they are blowing something out of proportion will just make everything a lot worse. All feelings are valid! We are all entitled to feel strongly about something from time to time; even if someone else might not understand why.
Via MyDramaDiary
A guy was once over an hour late picking me up. If there is one thing that gets my blood boiling, it’s people who are late. So I just left, went home, and refused to take his calls. He really didn’t get why it had upset me.
Via SodaHead
Different things upset different people and part of being in a relationship with someone is accepting and respecting that fact.
Do you guys know what this week is? It’s The Big Book of Dating’s first birthday! I really can’t believe it’s been a WHOLE year!
Via Buildingabakery
It’s amazing how time flies, isn’t it?!
At any rate, my blog’s birthday made me think of birthdays in general, and how we choose to celebrate them. What better way to commemorate a special day than an over the top romantic gesture?
Via Sewretrochic
Now, before I go on with the post, there is something you should know about me. I REALLY, and I mean REALLY, hate the ‘romantic stuff’. I’m just that cynical.
Via Fusspotato
Guys have honestly done the sweetest things for me. I’m talking picnics, boat rides, stuffed animals, and I even got serenaded once (I have to fight back a little bile while remembering these wonderful instances). Romance (in it’s traditional form) is just not for me.
Via Caveday
All I really ever wanted was my favourite strawberry ice cream (in bed), and for someone to remember that I really can’t leave the house in the morning without a cup of strong coffee.
Rules for Romancing:
1. Know your audience. Everybody sees romance differently. For some of us it’s the simple gestures. Others like more extravagant shows of affection.
Via Emirates247
But at the end of the day, you shouldn’t go for the generic things you feel someone should like, bur rather things you know they will. Go for things you both enjoy doing together.
Via Paradizo
3. Be attentive. When you want to do something nice for someone else this is the way to go about it. The nicest things people have ever done for me have been because they paid attention to what I like.
4. The small things count! All those little nice things you do for one another. Buying him his favourite dessert when you go shopping. Picking up some dinner for her on the way home, because you know she’s swamped with work and didn’t have time to eat.
Via Failatfailing
A candlelit dinner twice a year is fun, but it isn’t what keeps a relationship going. It’s those sweet day-to-day things that show you care.
In Jane Austen’s novels we have alluring glances from across the room and suggestive smiles. These days we have coded texts and muddling emails. Modern dating lingo is chock full of innuendo, vagueness, and ways of saying things that mean other things. In short, things have gotten pretty damn confusing.
Via Feministactivism
In theory, to avoid awkward conversations, it’s great to have these codes. ‘Awake?’ instead of ‘Fancy a shag? ‘It’s not YOU it’s ME’, instead of: ‘It’s not me, it’s YOU’. And so on…
The only problem is, that no one has ever printed out a manual and handed it out on street corners. How awesome would that be?!
Via Dranil
If we ALL had the same phrasebook, we could be as illusive as we liked, with no consequence. But alas, there is no such magical pamphlet in circulation.
I absolutely despise not knowing where things stand. I think we ALL do.
Via Dalecoweb
There is nothing more annoying than being messed around with.
So, let’s wade through this mucky subject together and try to make sense of things.
Via Rrmuseumpa
Rules for Cracking The Code:
1. There are certain things that EVERYONE takes to mean sex. If, and only IF, you can be certain that the other person is going to understand, use a euphemism. Otherwise, avoid confusing each other; it really is counterproductive.
2. If you feel uncomfortable using certain words, or saying things that are either downright or borderline dirty; sit down the two of you and decide on your own code (that you both understand).
Via Dudeja
(Yes, I do realize that this can be kind of silly. But, it can also be fun and bonding, so give it a go).
3. Codes are fun, games are fun; but at some point they will just wind up causing trouble. Instead of spending hours playing guessing games with yourself (and your girlfriends), just ask him what he meant. Boy, do I know how hard that is (for months I thought ‘LOL’ meant lots of love. Needless to say, that lead to a few exceedingly uncomfortable moments, and ‘LOL’ isn’t even cryptic).
Via Writingtodistraction
Most cryptic language we use is for: asking someone out, dumping, sex, or any other slightly uncomfortable topic. It helps minimizing rejection on the one hand, but on the other it’s a pain in the tush. So please, please, think twice about the words you use, and don’t be afraid to tell other people to be more clear with you! Coyness is only beneficial to a point.
It’s past midnight, and you have been texting for over and hour. You are at work and laughing hysterically at an email you just received, even though it wasn’t really that funny (much to your co-workers’ chagrin). You’ve braved dinner, ’just as friends’, but really just wanted to skip dessert and rip each other’s clothes off.
Via Fitcraving
If all of this sounds familiar to you, you, too are a victim of the Flirting Loop!
Via Amandarynda
The Flirting Loop; that dreaded situation you end up in where you both like each other, but can’t quite get past the flirting stage. I’m not going to lie to you, it’s not easy to get out of, but it is possible (with a little determination and some charm).
You may have already tried every flirting trick in the book, to no avail, and it may be a case of shyness. Either way, it is time to brake that vicious circle!
Via Lancescurv
Rules for Moving Forward:
1. You will never be able to bring the whole situation to closure unless you can make up your mind about whether you like this person or not. I think that a lot of these ‘hot and cold’ games are a direct result of the fact that you are just not sure if you like each other ‘that way’.
Via ArtBecomesYou
Sending (and feeling) mixed signals is what landed you in this mess in the first place. So, the first step out of it is deciding what you want.
2. Flirt responsibly! Flirting has a purpose , it’s a tool to let someone know you like them (and to get free shots when you’re sitting at the bar, but let’s leave that aside). If you flirt with everyone all the time you will confuse the people you are actually trying to impress.
3. The easiest way out, is to just directly ask the other person if they are interested. But because we are not all that blunt/brave/not afraid of rejection, the chances we will just put ourselves out there like that are slim.
Via Stanford
So, instead, we are left with the more tricky option of being conniving about the whole thing. This option is not fail proof, and leads to a lot of misunderstandings and frustration. Therefore, one of you should just take a shot of liquid courage and make the first move.
By make the first move, I don’t necessarily mean you have to lean in and kiss the other person (and by NO means ask them if you can kiss them; huge mood killer). Just make it very obvious that you are available and interested IN THEM!
Via Datinganswer
This is the tricky part… But I have come up with some creative solutions:
# Find a way to spend more time alone together (so you can get to know each other. Maybe this will help you finally realise if you are interested or not).
Via Stevemehta
# Don’t send mixed signals! I said this before, and I don’t know how much I can stress how important this point is.
# Find a mutual friend who knows if he is dating anyone and snoop around a little (just to make sure he is single).
Via Deweydonationsystem
(You don’t need to go into full on stalker mode, just do a little recon).
And you know what, ladies? If all else fails, just turn up the charm. Tap into your irresistibly funny/sexy/confident side! But every once in a while we should take matters into our own hands and confront the situation. After all, aren’t five minutes of rejection better than four months of endless pining?
I’m back! Did you miss me? I’m sorry for my long absence; I decided to take myself off to The Alps for a well needed winter vacation.
- Fresh Air
Snow is so wonderful, but now, back to reality.
- Via PYW
A few weeks ago, a girlfriend and I got all sassed up and went out. It was one of those dimly lit kind of joints, and we sat down on the bar. Opposite us, were two guys, and one of them spiked my friend’s interest.
- Via NewsBoy
She waited for the opportune moment, picked up her drink, and went over to chat. He was cute, funny, and they hit it off right away. It was getting late, and I was ready to head out. But instead of asking her for her cell number, he asked her for her FaceBook username.
She refused to give it to him and offered her phone number instead; which he graciously accepted.
There is no question that social networks have brought about huge changes. Suddenly, private information is so assessable. Our lives are under the ever scrutinizing eyes of our piers. But what do these changes mean for our love lives?
- Via Themchart
How does your relationship with your facebook affect your relationship with your partner?
Rules for Internet Accessible Dating:
1. Don’t make your on-line profile available to anyone you’re dating unless you are comfortable with them, and you trust them. In my opinion, adding someone to your FaceBook is just like giving them permission to legally stalk you.
If you do choose to approve them, at the very least, consider that you are giving someone new full admission into your life; be certain that you are ready for that.
- Via Grapevine
2. It’s kind of ironic, that while F.B is so much more personal than your phone number, getting asked out via message is so impersonal. Pick up the phone and call!
3. I feel like the right time to change your status from ‘single’ to ‘getting some’, should be just around the time when you are planning your wedding (and that’s just because it’s easier than calling everyone up to tell them the good news).
- Via Artofmanliness
There are a few good reasons for this: A. When you get your heartbroken, you do not want it splashed all over the internet.
B. Think of the people you’re friends with. Do you really want your boss knowing every little detail of your private life?! (Or for that matter, your mum, who just learned how to turn on her computer. She thinks she is private messaging you, but is really posting on your wall; wanting to know what happened to that lovely boy you brought home for the holidays).
- Via Allwelike
c. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, wants to see you two kissing in the five-hundred photos you took on your ‘romantic getaway’. Dial down the PDA.
- Via Assimpleasl0ve
While the internet used to be a small medium, open to only one or two hundred of our closest friends, it is now much more public than that.
We should be keeping a much closer eye on who we let into our lives, even our virtual ones.
- Via River1037
A few month ago, we (I love talking about myself f in the third person) had The Worse Date EVER Competition (if you haven’t participated yet, it’s about time you click on the link and tell us your very own horrifying tales!).
- Via SuddenlySusan
Recently, we discussed the following strange and wonderful topics: keeping Secrets and ‘Single Behaviour‘ (things that we don’t tell our partners).
You’ve been there; that long, tense, awkward moment, after your partner shares something with you, something you may have not wanted to find out, EVER . (Or would have really liked to know in advance, before ever agreeing to go out with them). Hell, we’ve all been there!
- Via Stitchshift
I believe in quid pro quo, so I will start off by telling you one of my stories. But because I do still have my reputation to maintain, I shan’t tell you something awful I’ve done, but rather a strange third date revelations that caught me completely off guard.
Many years ago, when I was still young and naive, I met a lovely guy through a friend of mine. We bonded over a beer, and at the end of the evening he walked me to my bus stop (such a gentleman).
- Via Maypang
A week later, he asked me out to a film, and we met up. He worked as a personal trainer in a local gym, and was quite good looking, if I may say so myself (at least that’s how I remember him; after all, it’s been a while). He showed up dressed in one of those tight shirts, that really accented his abs (I know what you’re all thinking: god, she is SO predictable, it’s obvious he’s gay! We’ll you are wrong, so keep reading).
- Via Sexergy
I had a lovely time with him, and I was really starting to like this guy. On our third date he bought us ice cream and we were sitting on the steps outside city hall. At this point, he very casually decided to tell me, that in addition to working at the gym, he also has another job. He moonlights as a male stripper!
Being young and smitten, I tried very hard to seem cool with the whole thing. So I smiled, and made some kind of laid back, nonchalant, remark about being fine with it.
Awkward! I mean, really awkward moment!
- Via Buzzle
Now it’s your turn! Tell us your worst/strangest/juiciest story.
- Via Taramoss
Are you getting excited? I am! So pull up your keyboard and do some sharing. (I did preach against gossiping a while back, but seeing as none of us know you, it’s probably alight).
Who amongst us doesn’t keep secrets? They’re fun, empowering and sometimes, just plain embarrassing!
- Via Notquitecarrie
You might not be a superhero in your free time, but you most defiantly have things in your past/present that are strictly off limits. Keeping stuff to yourself is a completely legitimate practice (and people shouldn’t make you feel guilty for it).
- Via World of SuperHeroes
So, is it ok to keep secrets from each other? What do we have to/should we share?!
- Via Wordans
Rules for Pursed Lips:
1. In my personal opinion, you are not obligated to tell the other person anything you don’t want to, unless it affects them! If it will somehow have repercussions for the other person you are obligated to say something.
For example: you don’t have to tell your boyfriend that you secretly moonlight as a server wench (in your local pirate establishment). But you are obligated to tell him if your ex emailed you to tell you he has some sort of strange rash on his naughty parts, and he might have passed it on to you.
- Via CBS
- Via Metanotherfrog
2. Secrets can be harmful, don’t forget that! When they come out they can potentially be deal breakers for your partner.
So take that into consideration before deciding to keep something important from him.
I once dated someone for months before I discovered that he smoked (I don’t date smokers, so he had craftily hid it from me for ages). It was only after about the sixth time we broke up that I found out.
- Via JGF
Think it through properly before withholding! What are the possible consequences for keeping this a secret? Is that a price you’re willing to pay?
3. Honesty really is the best foundation for a relationship (not only a cliché your therapist tells you). And just like you expect honesty, you are also required to live up to your own standards.
- Via Favim
Hi! I’m westwood, over at gapingwhole, and this is a guest post. Last time I was here, we chatted about why it is important to hone your gaydar. This time, I pose the question: When chicks with boyfriends sleep with/make out with chicks, is it cheating?
Well, first lets turn to Glee for the answer (because that’s obviously the most logical thing to do).
If you watch the show, you may have heard this little exchange:
Brittany – “I really like when we make out and stuff.”
Santana – “Which isn’t cheating because…?”
Brittany – “…the plumbing’s different.”
Well, boys/bois/ladyboys and girls/grrls/whatever you want to be, I have heard some variation on this excuse dozens of times from all kinds of people. And as an openly and outspokenly bisexual woman, I have personally been propositioned by a number of women (mostly bicurious) who were currently in relationships with men.
Guess how many of them I have kissed or had some kind of sexual encounter with?
…
None.
(…well, by those qualifications anyway…)
Yet, in almost every case, the men in these relationships had actually given their ladies permission to get it on with another woman (ie: me). Not only did they allow it, but some actually encouraged it. I suppose they found the idea attractive, because men just looooove the idea of girl-on-girl (if those girls are feminine, straight-presenting, and doing it for the benefit of the guy, that is).
So why don’t I make out/hook up/sleep with these girls? These are intelligent, beautiful, fascinating women. Well, first off, being bisexual has no correlation to being slutty or sleeping around (contrary to popular belief). Secondly, those dudes and Britanna need to understand that cheating is cheating. No matter what the plumbing situation is downstairs.
Let’s test your intuitions. Is a straight girl sleeping with another man cheating on her boyfriend? Yes. Is a straight man sleeping with another man cheating on his girlfriend? Yes. If a lesbian sleeps with another girl, is she cheating on her girlfriend? Yes. It doesn’t matter what is in their pants. If your dude or lady is sleeping with someone who isn’t you, cheating is happening. If you define kissing or emotional attachment as cheating (which I do), then the same thing applies.
(another consideration: if I were to hook up with those girls, they might leave their dudes for me and really make things messy. Just kidding. Sort of)
Yet, women often make out with other women in front of their boyfriends at bars. This tired titillating trope remains common. We all see it on TV all the time. Somehow, the guys don’t understand that they are letting their girlfriends get away with infidelity right in front of them. Plus, it is harmful on a much bigger scale for a lot of reasons, including these:
1. Not defining it as cheating promotes bisexual erasure. It reinforces the (scientifically wrong) notion that making out with someone of the same sex ‘doesn’t count’ because sexual fluidity doesn’t exist… which it does.
2. It objectifies women and trivializes their sexuality by saying that women’s sexual pleasure only counts when it’s for the benefit of a man and/or controlled and dictated by a man. It is a man deciding his girlfriend’s sexuality for her, and what she can or cannot do with it.
Rules For Same-Sex Flirtation:
1. Dudes, don’t give your girlfriends a pass to cheat because you have a mistaken idea that it’s hot.
2. Recognize that love is love and sex is sex, and it all counts no matter what junk is in whose underpants.
3. Ladies, before you call that cute girl you’ve always wondered what it would be like to make out/hook up with (you know you have)… dump your boyfriend.
These are bad things! So we should all not buy into this ‘it’s not cheating because the plumbing is different’ shtick. Because it is definitely cheating. Okay? Okay.
Also, if you have any relationship or sexuality-related questions or curiosities that you would like to see covered in a future bonus rule, leave them below or catch me at gapingwhole[at]hotmail[dot]com.
We all have, what a wise woman (and her screen play writer) once referred to as: our S.S.B-Secret Single Behaviour; things we would only dare do behind a locked door, alone. (gosh, how would I ever write if I couldn’t quote Sex and the City?!).
Naturally, in a relationship, we either have to give up on some of our little vices, or learn how to hide them better.
As close as we are to the other person, there are some things we just don’t want them to know!
Personally, I like to sit around in bed in my undies, binge eat crisps, and watch old episodes of coupling. Not that my behaviour is particularly outrageous/disgusting (albeit, some people might argue that there is nothing worse than crumbs in bed), it’s just something I only like doing solo.
So, at what point is it ok to start letting our guard down, and what things are just never a good idea to share?
Rule for NOT Over Sharing:
1. Everyone has their little gross habits, things that are only considered horrid if done in front of someone else. What I’m saying is, that some things don’t need to be shared; it’s perfectly fine that your boyfriend doesn’t know everything about you. This in no way means that you don’t have a healthy, open partnership; it just means that you have boundaries.
Boundaries are important! They allow us to maintain our own personal space within the relationship.
2. Different people have different lines they will/won’t cross before their silver wedding anniversary. He may find it perfectly normal to wax his chest in front of you; if this is something you don’t wanna see, ask him nicely not to do it when you’re around ( and don’t make him feel like a leper for it!).
3. The walls will come down slowly, that’s just the way it works; there is no need to rush, or force the inevitable.
Whether it’s leaving the toilet door open when you pee, or telling your boyfriend about that time you got really bad food poisoning in Bolivia, you should be in a place where sharing these things feels comfortable (for the both of you).
In a world where gossip is practically social currency, it has become gradually harder to keep those intimate relationship tidbits to ourselves; it’s expected of us to share almost every little detail of our love lives.
Men, dating, sex, there really isn’t much we don’t talk about; it’s fun, bonding and a great deal more entertaining than the daily news (well most of the time).
And naturally, is always followed by the obligatory: “no honey, of course I didn’t tell the girls about that new odd thing we tried…”
Now don’t get me wrong, I am one of the biggest gossips you will ever meet, but when does recalling all of our private affairs become harmful to them?
Rules for Moderated Girl-Talk:
1. Talk about you dating/sex life with your friends, but don’t forget there are only two of you in the relationship.
It’s great to get an outside perspective, but that isn’t always the case. Don’t forget that your friends aren’t dating your boyfriend; so it’s important to take any advice they give with a grain of salt.
2. If your partner asks you not to repeat something, keep it to yourself! (Same goes for your friends; if they ask you not to talk about an issue with your boyfriend, respect that!).
3.At the end of the day, there is always the fail proof technique of asking yourself: would I want HIS friends to know that? If the answer is no, keep quiet about that worrying rash he found last night.
4. When you build a relationship with someone, you also build your own little world together. Part of that, is having little secrets and inside jokes, that are private, and sharing everything with your friends (in my opinion), takes a little away from the fun.
