Rule #1- The Flirt

We have ALL been there, those really uncomfortable moments of too much eye contact, hair flipping and smiling, awkward conversation, with odd notations about the weather.

Now, sometimes you just hit it off. The conversation flows like you have known each other for years, you get the eye contact/smile ratio just right  and you have a wonderful time; and the guy can’t wait to take your phone number down before saying goodbye with a simple hug or a peck on the cheek.

But for the rest of us, when we see that final fork in the road, we go into incessant worry mode; did I touch his hand enough? Did I play too much with my hair? Was I wearing way too much mascara?  And so on. But sometimes, even if we did everything right, he may just not be into it (however this almost never happens, and blaming our new eye-liner is a much better plan).

But there are a few internationally certified  rules (western culture only) that can get you on the right track to a magical date or a night of amazing wild sex (unfortunately your ability to flirt does not mean he will be good in bed).

Rules Of Flirtation: 

1. LOOK interested. Now this may seem obvious, and you may deem me an idiot for even bringing it up, but many women do not know how to project that they would like to rip off the guy’s clothes and do dirty things to him (or just simply be fishing for a nice sushi date).

So, what does one need to do to look into him.

Body Language: Sit openly (don’t cross your arms, or fold them), put your arms on the arm rests, look at ease. Smile, make eye contact, then make eye contact AND smile. Play with your hair a little. If you are feeling provocative don’t bite you’re lip and give him a dirty look… you can simply just rub your hand slowly down your thigh, or smile suggestively.

2. Make physical contact! (This is important, but you have to make sure not to overdo it, that is if you are not looking for a one night stand) Slightly graze his thigh with yours, sit close to him.

Now, it is not easy to do it without looking like you did it on purpose, but you need to try, be coy! Try lightly grazing his hand when reaching for things. Rub his knee with yours and half-heartedly say “sorry”.

Things that will be considered forward: back massages, stroking his hand or thigh, stroking his happy place.

3. Conversation. Don’t make it heavy, keep it light, interesting (you want to look smart, but not in a “know it all” sort of way). Suss out what the other person is into, what makes his voice enthusiastic and try to stick to that.  Listen! Don’t just nod; try and take in what he is saying for later on.

Do not pretend you know things that you don’t, if that blows up in your face you will look and feel like the world’s greatest idiot.

Don’t talk about exes, gross things, politics or religion (unless you only date scientologists, and want to know if they are a fellow believer). Stay away from things that are taboo, or really controversial (like dead bodies or the war in Iraq).

Don’t give it all up on the first conversation, keep it simple- it’s a preview for your first date!

4. Don’t be intense, don’t be inappropriate, don’t talk too much, don’t stare, don’t come on too strongly, don’t be rude, don’t make fun (I can go on with the don’t do this, that, or the other for ages, but those are the basics, stick to them!).

5. Finally, be confident! Confidence radiates and  is very attractive!

Flirting is powerful, use it wisely…

49 comments

  1. Once upon a time, it was all so simple: A man simply had to throw a slain antelope or wart-hog at a lady’s feet and grunt whilst suggestively making up and down movements from his singular eyebrow. Now it is all so complicated. So often, thinly disguised inquiries into one’s pecuniary status or professionaly prospects will introduce a mercenary note and the finer signals are lost in appraising suitability as a potential partner. Why, last time I stooped to pick up a dropped lacy handkerchief, I was embroiled soon after in an oblique discussion regarding the state of my inheritance (little did she know my father was a scoundrel who made off with what remained of the family siver before drinking the proceeds of its sale). I made good my escape upon a bicycle I had cunningly secreted behind a nearby phiadelphus.

  2. Great information!

    I am currently learning about DEMI, a theory (direct effects model of immediacy):: that also has some general and useful information about getting what you want…persuasively :)

  3. I am an idiot savant when it comes to flirting. Some days more idiot, less savant. I apparently do it as naturally as breathing. Girlfriends say they purposefully keep their other three-quarters away from me. My sister says that were I not her sister, she’d hate me. Mother calls it ‘charm’. For the life of me, I have no idea what they mean. However, dare I TRY to flirt… and it is hideous. I walk into poles (literally), I’ve learnt never to wear white around people I have a crush on, …and then of course, there’s the IBS.

    Similarly, I could never tell when someone is hitting on me. But I can pick up from a mile away when a guy is circling the carr– I mean, chick.

    The games aside though, the one thing I have noticed is when a man likes you, I mean really likes you and not just passing through ‘margerine legs’ (easily spread), his eyes are soft. He looks at you as though he actually, you know … LIKES you. Not likes you like you’re a piece of meat on a cocktail tray at a fancy party when he’s craving Micky D’s and beer.

  4. I really like your blog;) I know you’re not a psychologist or crazy and I don’t wanna ask my friends for this advice because I know how the teenager brain works (not right) so I wanted to ask…

    So I was in my fourth period talking to my friends about my bf and my relationship and I we were laughing and I was feeling okay when I knew my bf in his class above mine was debating whether or not to break up with me…and he was laughing and talking to his friends too. Does that mean we don’t really love each other? Or does mean anything at all? (sorry if that’s a stupid question) I just wanna know…because I don’t know if we’re supposed to feel sad or not…please help

    1. Heya. Not a stupid question at all. But I’m not a hundred percent certain I understand what you’re asking me. You’re not sure if to be upset because both you and him as a joke talked with your friends about the possibility of breaking up? Why were you joking? I feel like I need more info (:

      1. Im sorry, it’s just…earlier that day, me and my bf argued so bad to the point where we were thinking about breaking up in a serious way. But I felt like if he decided to break up with me I would be fine like I’d be okay, BECAUSE I was laughing and not really worried in my class…does that mean I don’t really care or love him? And the same for him?

      2. First of all maybe this post will help a little for the future: http://thebigbookofdating.wordpress.com/2011/12/06/rule-21-the-fight/
        Also, because I don’t know you I can only give very general advise
        Arguing is natural, we are all people and tend to disagree about thing. I feel it’s what you take from a fight that counts. What was it about? Did you both agree to try and work on the things that started the fight in the first place. Fighting doesn’t mean you don’t love each other it just means something is wrong that needs fixing, the question is if you’re willing to put in the time and effort it takes to improve thing.
        First of all the fact that you laughed about it just (probably) meant you needed some ‘down time’ with your friends and lightning the mood sometimes helps us see things more clearly. It’s ok to say things we don’t mean to our friends in the heat of the moment. Things that we don’t really mean. It’s better to talk to them when we are mad than the person we are dating. That’s what girlfriends are for, to listen to us (: so don’t feel bad about it. That way you can collect yourself and talk to your boyfriend when you’ve calmed down.
        I hope this helped a little…

  5. Enjoyed visiting your blog very much. Only addition from my experience is that intentional touching is hot if it doesn’t become cloying. Thanks for liking my blog “My LIfe in Hard Times” so that I could find you.

  6. Just loved this thank you so much! I have just started dating someone and we had all our ratios just right from the first minute of our first date so I read your blog with a bigger smile than normal :)

  7. it is a delicate world out there, I am so glad I am married and out of the flirting and being worried about the other sex kind of thing. So much effort is put into this. It was fun while it lasted but I am very glad I found the right guy and am now out of the flirting situations. Funny stuff, thanks for the post!

  8. This post was so much fun. REALLY liked the photos that blended with the story lines. Alas, I have given up on dating and that whole “make my heart beat thing.” The last one made me crash and burn and so I’ve said goodbye to love and more to travel and what lessons in life I can still learn. It’s safer and you don’t have worry about someone dragging your heart around. I will return for more reads on your site!
    Thanks for liking, “My oh My…Hamburger Mary’s (CA chp.1)

  9. New to the dating scene again. Following now. Very good advise and I will start paying better attention.

  10. I flirt beautifully and just for the enjoyment. It when I’m not just flirting that I become all of number 4, lol. Insecurity rears it’s ugly head every time lol.

  11. Well. Now I know why I was being looked at in a weird way. I blushed and looked away. To naive lol. Gosh, I’m helpless…I didn’t even realize someone was flirting with me.

  12. I flirted with a guy in a bar then threw a drink over his feet and… reader I married him! Love the blog. Thanks for stopping by mine and liking ‘I agree with Stephen King’. Sandra

  13. Its interesting reading this, it all makes sense. I have nothing to compare the theory too though, so its probably good i started with #1. I think my flirting probably needs some work.
    Never been on a date this one, I’m just so anti-social and awkward, it feels like flirting is against my nature.

    Anyhow, thanks for liking my post “Stating the obvious in the best possible way”, all feedback is welcome and its nice to know I’m not too far off the mark with my content. Plus it lead me to your blog, which is awesome.

    Salut for now,

    Magenta Rose

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