I once caught myself waiting by the phone for a guy to call me. When I realized what it was I was doing, I put my cell in my underwear drawer and went off to entertain myself with a three-hour Sex and the City marathon.
Phone tag is the oldest game in the book (well since the invention of the telephone at any rate). This back and forth banter between a couple is important, and not to be taken lightly. It will either turn him off completely or leave him wanting more.
Scenario #1, What NOT to do
So the guy (the one who you can grate cheese on his abs), took your phone number last night. It’s been twelve whole hours and you are already freaking out a little bit, so you text him. A few more hours go by, no reply, so you text him again. At twelve you give up and go to bed. (after messaging him “have a good night” (: ) The following afternoon you text twice more, and still haven’t gotten anything back (you have already run every excuse from he is really busy with work, to he has been run over by a horde of cross elephants).
It would seem you missed ‘cool’ by just a little
Now, you do get I’m exaggerating my point, just a little, but it’s very easy to miss the mark when it comes to playing it cool and relaxed.
Scenario #2 – A more welcome outcome
You manage to exercise some self control. You succeeded in not overdoing it and containing your excitement in the face of the possibility of a future full of kinky sex. He calls, you resist acting like a crazy person and it all works itself out.
So, how do you bring this about?
The Rules of Phone Tag:
1. Match the other persons calls and texts! This is the cardinal rule of phone tag. It has the same rules as real tag (the ‘tag you’re it’ kind). He texts, you text, he calls, and the next call is on you.
This way you are both on the same page, and you don’t overdo it and scare him off.
2. How much is too much? Now this is the really complicated question. How can you find the balance between not seeming desperate and not seeming uninterested?
(guys and girls differ on this question, but not always, and you need to learn to spot the exception and match the other persons’ expectations. Be attentive, it’s the only way for those of us who can’t read minds)
Before you go out together, the one call to set it up and a second to make sure you are still on is ENOUGH! This way you don’t find yourself in the midst of an awkward silence, and you don’t end up putting more pressure on each other before you have even gone out.
Between the first few dates, if all goes well, my recommended dose is this: one call a day and a few texts is more than enough. This way, you will be able to keep things going, and have stuff to talk about when you see each other.
3. When you barely know each other, phone calls should be like good chocolate; short, sweet and leave you wanting more.
(Now how’s that for a tacky dating metaphor?)