Rule #13- The Adult Pyjama Party

via Queereaster Media Working Group 2006

There comes a time in every new relationship, when we forget about “having an early meeting”, or some other lame excuse involving not having any clean clothes. At this point we want to stay in bed with our newly acquired other person, and just share body heat.

At this point of the relationship, you are probably still wearing really tiny underwear and shaving your legs.

To each their own preferred method of cuddling; all are valid, and all mean that you are at that point where you feel comfortable enough with the other person, to not only sleep with them, but to sleep next to them.

Now, we all know how it goes; the first sleep over you pretend that you always sleep naked or in your satin nightie, and two months later its disappeared and you’re back to your old, favourite, t-shirt and shorts.

But, at least for the beginning, it’s good to stick to a few simple rules that will help you make each other feel a little more comfortable.

Rules For Adult Sleepovers: 

1. If it’s at your place; he still feels like a guest in YOUR house; treat him that way. Keep an extra toothbrush, show him where things are, make him feel like he isn’t a naked house invader.

You don’t have to cater, but a pot of coffee and some toast in the morning will go a long way.

2. If it’s at his place; bring whatever you need, but don’t leave anything at his place unless, you are staying the night NOT moving in!

3. Sleepovers are also when you start to discover “fun” little things you didn’t know about one another. You will also have to get used to another persons sleeping habits (like, sleepwalking or blanket stealing; something I am usually guilty of).

But if you really like the person you will be able to find a solution; such as sleeping with two blankets or ear plugs.

4. Don’t forget, these are your first steps into each others personal spaces and worlds, so be RESPECTFUL and take it slowly. Make sure you are both comfortable and in the same place (for this, you will unfortunately need to talk to each other).


  1. Hey! Happy you liked my post! I´m really enjoying your blog, reading through the posts right now. My friend and I made an attempt to start a similar blog, about dating in Barcelona, but our temporary (I hope) lack of decent men to date made it difficult to keep updating. :)

  2. Thanks for visiting my blog!

    I was JUST thinking about the first time I ever slept over at a boyfriend’s place this morning. It was back in college at the dorms. Good lord. These days, I’ve got the husband and often at least one kid in the bed. Times have changed! :)

  3. Another question; what can I do to be able to have someone sleep over??? Every time (very-very rarely) when someone’s sleeps over I seem to be having the night of horrors. Every move, every breath, everything he does just wakes me up and so in the morning I’m a raging bitch. How you manage with that????

    1. I used to be like that! I could never relax, EVER; I couldn’t sleep, I would lye awake all night, it was awful! But the last person I dated I actually liked so I really didn’t have trouble sleeping. I really think that it comes down to feeling relaxed and comfortable with someone; once you can do that I think it will help your sleep problem.

      1. Unfortunately I never had any longterm relationships, mine are just casual encounters and like I said, it happens very-very rarely that someone spends the night over. I guess after a lifetime of sleeping alone I can’t seem to be able to allow anyone in my bed, which is also my private space… :(

      2. O dear. I guess we are left with 1. Kick him out and reclaim the bed
        2. Only hook up at someone else’s and the leave
        3. Only do the sleep-over thing with people you feel safe with, otherwise you really won’t get any sleep

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