Last Friday afternoon, my lady friends and I went out for coffee in the big city. It was nice and sunny out as we sipped our hot beverages and chatted; when inevitably, the conversation turned very quickly to sex.
My friend has just started dating a new gentleman; they are deep into the mutual sleep-over faze and overall, very happy together. But (come on, you knew there would be a ‘but’), they each have a very different idea of what qualifies as a satisfactory sex life.
Now, as much as we would all love for our sex lives to stay in that wonderful ‘new relationship, kinky sex, lingerie and foot-cuffs’ period, routine always tends to sneak it.
Whether it has been a long day at work, the car broke down, or a report is due in the morning; no matter what the reason, we have all been here:
Our sexpectations just aren’t aliened.
I’ve decided to split the rules up according to gender (but feel free to read both).
Rules for The Gentleman:
1. Now as much as you would like every evening to end like this:
The reality is a little different.
Your lady might have had a rough day and not be that into it. This does not mean that she is not into you! Try getting her into the mood instead of sulking/begging/getting cross; offer her a foot rub/massage/glass of wine.
2. If you don’t end up having sex DO NOT make her feel bad about it. Otherwise, she will end up resenting you for it (because she will feel obligated to have sex with you), this will result in less sex in the future (and no one wants that!).
3. If you really find yourself in a rut, where you are not getting up to anything at all (you are going to hate this), you need to talk about it; discuss your mutual bedroom expectations.
4. And you know what, if you are not going to get any action, take care of it for yourself! Not as much fun, but will save you both a great deal of frustration.
Rules for The Ladies:
1. If he is too tired or stressed, don’t make a big deal out of it!!! I’m not sure how much I can emphasize this point. It isn’t you! It’s probably his boss! If you start making a scene out of it, it will just make you both feel awkward about the sex.
(Now, while this isn’t always the case, the chances you will be in the mood and he won’t are less likely; but just because that is the case, it doesn’t mean something is wrong).
2. Be sneaky! Wind him up! Put on something skimpy and walk around the house in it, offer him a back rub (or anything else that works for him).
3. Don’t feel pressured to have sex! Sex should be fun and bonding, not a chore! That said, not having any at all is not healthy for your relationship (and if that’s what’s going on, this is a big issue you need to discuss).
Men need sex to feel loved, and woman need to feel loved to have sex; this is a proven fact, and an important one at that.
4. If he isn’t in the mood, that doesn’t mean you should suffer! Get something that vibrates or take care of it manually!
People! Sex should be something enjoyable and mutually pleasurable, don’t turn it into the big awkward elephant in the room!