Rule #27- The Flirting Loop

via Haras national suisse HNS

It’s past midnight, and you have been texting for over and hour. You are at work and laughing hysterically at an email you just received, even though it wasn’t really that funny (much to your co-workers’ chagrin). You’ve braved dinner,  ‘just as friends’, but really just wanted to skip dessert and rip each other’s clothes off.

If all of this sounds familiar to you, you, too are a victim of the Flirting Loop!

The Flirting Loop; that dreaded situation you end up in where  you both like each other, but can’t quite get past the flirting stage. I’m not going to lie to you, it’s not easy to get out of, but it is possible (with a little determination and some charm).

You may have already tried every flirting trick in the book, to no avail, and it may be a case of shyness. Either way, it is time to brake that vicious circle!  

Rules for Moving Forward:

1. You will never be able to bring the whole situation to closure unless you can make up your mind about whether you like this person or not. I think that a lot of these ‘hot and cold’ games are a direct result of the fact that you are just not sure if you like each other ‘that way’. 

Sending (and feeling) mixed signals is what landed you in this mess in the first place. So, the first step out of it is deciding what you want.

2. Flirt responsibly! Flirting has a purpose , it’s a tool to let someone know you like them (and to get free shots when you’re sitting at the bar, but let’s leave that aside). If you flirt with everyone all the time you will confuse the people you are actually trying to impress. 

3. The easiest way out, is to just directly ask the other person if they are interested. But because we are not all that blunt/brave/not afraid of rejection, the chances we will just put ourselves out there like that are slim.

So, instead, we are left with the more tricky option of being conniving about the whole thing. This option is not fail proof, and leads to a lot of misunderstandings and frustration. Therefore, one of you should just take a shot of liquid courage and make the first move.

By make the first move, I don’t necessarily mean you have to lean in and kiss the other person (and by NO means ask them if you can kiss them; huge mood killer).  Just make it very obvious that you are available and interested IN THEM!

This is the tricky part… But I have come up with some creative solutions:

# Find a way to spend more time alone together (so you can get to know each other. Maybe this will help you finally realise if you are interested or not).

# Don’t send mixed signals! I said this before, and I don’t know how much I can stress how important this point is.

# Find a mutual friend who knows if he is dating anyone and snoop around a little (just to make sure he is single).

(You don’t need to go into full on stalker mode, just do a little recon).

And you know what, ladies? If all else fails, just turn up the charm. Tap into your irresistibly funny/sexy/confident side! But every once in a while we should take matters into our own hands and confront the situation. After all, aren’t five minutes of rejection better than four months of endless pining?


  1. Now, I have a fresh view on dating. Interestingly written;
    and I like the classic look and feel of the photos.
    For an “amour-aficionado” like me, your tips are helpful…
    By the way, thanks so much for liking my post,
    “Bamboo, revisited!”.

  2. wow…. its so true, but what i find is hard is that the guys that i like are either taken or not interested. the worst one is when neither of you are interested yet you continue flirting in the loop in which you throw the words around because there is that spark, the spark which keeps you interested yet it never goes anywhere. nice post

  3. I also think like wise, a little bravery goes a long way. The flirting loops are indeed infectious, if someone pulling that card on you, you also end up doing the same with another. But still, being frank and honest pays off easier I think. Great, great, great post and the images that was used, really good work done. I’m inspired!

  4. Interesting post, I find it your post helpful for me to understand how woman think about their romance life.
    “If you flirt with everyone all the time you will confuse the people you are actually trying to impress. ”
    I laugh at this one and read it over and over again. But I see many girl does actually flirt with other man even if she had a boyfriend already.

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