Rule #28- Cracking ‘The Code’

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In Jane Austen’s novels we have alluring glances from across the room and suggestive smiles. These days we have coded texts and muddling emails. Modern dating lingo is chock full of innuendo, vagueness, and  ways of saying things that mean other things. In short, things have gotten pretty damn confusing. 

In theory, to avoid awkward conversations, it’s great to have these codes. ‘Awake?’ instead of ‘Fancy a shag? ‘It’s not YOU it’s ME’, instead of: ‘It’s not me, it’s YOU’. And so on…

The only problem is, that no one has ever printed out a manual and handed it out on street corners. How awesome would that be?! 

If we ALL had the same phrasebook, we could be as illusive as we liked, with no consequence. But alas, there is no such magical pamphlet in circulation.

 I absolutely despise not knowing where things stand. I think we ALL do. 

There is nothing more annoying than being messed around with.

So, let’s wade through this mucky subject together and try to make sense of things.

Rules for Cracking The Code:

1.  There are certain things that EVERYONE takes to mean sex.  If, and only IF, you can be certain that the other person is going to understand, use a euphemism. Otherwise, avoid confusing each other; it really is counterproductive.

2. If you feel uncomfortable using certain words, or saying things that are either downright or borderline dirty; sit down the two of you and decide on your own code (that you both understand).

(Yes, I do realize that this can be kind of silly. But, it can also be fun and bonding, so give it a go).

3. Codes are fun, games are fun; but at some point they will just wind up causing trouble. Instead of spending hours playing guessing games with yourself (and your girlfriends), just ask him what he meant. Boy, do I know how hard that is (for months I thought ‘LOL’ meant lots of love. Needless to say, that lead to a few exceedingly uncomfortable moments, and ‘LOL’ isn’t even cryptic).

Most cryptic language we use is for: asking someone out, dumping, sex, or any other slightly uncomfortable topic. It helps minimizing rejection on the one hand, but on the other it’s a pain in the tush. So please, please, think twice about the words you use, and don’t be afraid to tell other people to be more clear with you! Coyness is only beneficial to a point.

15 comments

  1. This is so true! Cryptic language causes a lot of uncomfortable situations in my view (and sometimes funny ones when you look back at it). I wished everyone could use a crystal clear and understandable language – I think that could prevent a lot of unnecessary thinking and overthinking.

  2. You don’t say! Every time my fiancee used to hang out with his friends, each time he used to come up with something that made me wonder what-the-hell that means??? So I had applied some tactics about it, we had to get it all sorted out, right? I started talking all code language with him and my specialization is Computers, so he really fell back with them in no time. Had taken up Spanish as one of the foreign language as well, so it also had it’s good moments. He started to look all dull and confused, and finally gave up to save his all smarty pants reputation on such pointless codes that come in and go out of fashion in every year… Now simple English seem all good enough for communication now a day.

  3. I find it best if I just rustle my newspaper meaningfully and ask from behind it, with as much indifference as I can muster: “Excuse me dear but do you think it likely we might engage in some marital unpleasantness this evening?”
    That usually is quite unequivocal (though has varying degrees of success which I put down to some mysterious timing of the ovulatory cycle or somesuch which I have yet to unravel)

  4. What kind of an authority in this field of “dating” are you?

    You have some interesting points, but the whole general philosophy of dating today is wrong all together. What do you think about that?

      1. aaaa, so we share a passion :) I also like to explore into the depths of the core of inter human relationships. It’s so much fun :)
        Ye, rules can be very limiting… I’ve had a “first date” with one girl I’ve met on the flight some days back. We were really connecting and when I kissed her, she was enjoying it for some moments. Than she stopped, pulled away. And she was just completely terrified… like I don’t do this on a first date, what kind of person I am, this is way to fast. I thought it would be funny and just started talking really slowly, like yes, I agreeeee, lets’ just move, really really slow.. she started laughing, which is good. But, really, someone who is that deeply limited by some society-made rule, is surely not on my want list. Some rule, over pleasant flow of feeling, it’s kind of weird ain’t it?
        I found, that in most cases feeling feelings are more useful than some rules.
        What do you think?

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