A few weeks ago I picked up a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey. At this point of the post, I would like to state for the record that I have nothing against erotica (when written well). Photographed, graphic, written, and filmed porn are all wonderful things, when taken in proportion.
I’m not claiming that all women don’t want to be tied up in some rich businessman’s flat, force fed good food and expensive wine, while having S&M sex with them. I’m merely suggesting that this specific genre often stretches the truth just a little bit.
Reading the book got me thinking about how mainstream erotica has become. The fact that an erotic novel is now at the top every international bestsellers list is the best testimony to this. And as much as I didn’t enjoy the book (because of pure literary snobbery), it’s interesting how the taboo on these kinds of novels is slowly dissipating.
I feel that even though most of us won’t freely admit it, we have all enjoyed some sort of erotica/pornography at some point.
It is also fascinating that a little thing like a dirty magazine, or a web-browser page left open, can cause such a lot of havoc in a relationship.
Rules for Erotica:
1. Even if porn isn’t your thing, it doesn’t make it the worst habit in the world. Just because you found your boyfriend’s copy of Lesbian Spank Inferno in the DVD player, doesn’t make him a dirty bastard and a cause for a week long argument.
People like other naked people, this is just a fact, and as long as they aren’t real people (unless that’s the arrangement that the two of you have), there is not harm for your relationship in it.
2. The more sex you have (good sex that is) the more you want to be having; meaning, that your partner is just going to be more riled up, and if you aren’t around, will need some other kind of outlet. This is a good thing, and you should NOT make a big deal out of it!
So what if she gets through a really large amount of rechargeable batteries?
3. Porn, magazines, and erotic fiction are not real life. I’m sure we all know this, but when we get too immersed in something we tend to forget it.
(as long as you don’t expect your girlfriend to be able to do the upside-down-wheelbarrow-monkey-picks-an-apple position because you saw it “and it looked doable”, there is no reason watching porn should cause any unnecessary friction in the relationship).
4. Fantasy worlds and escapism are wonderful things! Try and share them with your respective other.
(Who knows, you may even enjoy it…)