I’m really going to try hard and keep a balanced point of view throughout what I am about to discuss; but I am a woman, and therefore a little bias.
I used to think about sex in a very liberal open minded sort of way. Otherwise known as “who cares if you finish as long as you had fun and intimately connected with your significant other”.
I feel like most women (or at least many women) see sex this way. It’s more of a bonding exercise (no pun intended), and not necessarily meant for their own satisfaction.
Meaning, that sex is fun, finishing during sex is even more fun, but it isn’t a ‘must’ every time.
And we accept this.
Why is this a BAD premise when approaching sex?
1. Unless you are trying to get pregnant, you are probably having sex for your own/mutual pleasure. Sex has a point, it’s called an orgasm! (It’s that fun toe-curling part at the end, or halfway through, and then again if you’re lucky).
Now, you may not feel like you’ve been selling yourself short when you don’t have one, but you are! Orgasms are wonderful things!
And allowing yourself to miss out on a surge of chemicals that do wonders for your well being is you, missing out!
2. Every time you have one of these you tend to want more of them (you know the drill).
When you don’t orgasm you are less likely to want to have heaps of sex (because it’s less gratifying). You may even get bitter and resentful about this over time (and possibly even a little bored with the proceedings).
(obviously not a good thing for the relationship).
3. You might not necessarily think that not always finishing even bothers you.
In my opinion, this is the worst harm. It wouldn’t even occur to you to have sex and for your partner not to finish. Yet, we find hundreds of ways to reinitialize to ourselves why when we get the short end of the stick, it’s alright.
Now, thank god, attitudes towards sex are forever evolving; both culturally, and with age. I don’t think that on the whole woman don’t feel it’s their right to derive pleasure from sex. But we do have quite a bit of a way yet to go when it comes to our day-to-day sexual routine and bedroom expectations.
So who’s at fault, and what do we do about it?
Blaming generations of male indoctrination really isn’t the answer here. At the end of the day it comes down to our inability to communicate our needs to our sexual partners. I don’t think for a second that the person you are sleeping with doesn’t want you to crack the window with enthusiasm.
The problem starts with our demands in the bedroom, and not being able to make them known (physically or verbally). TELL THEM WHAT YOU WANT/ENJOY/NEED/LIKE! (And if you don’t know what it is you want, it’s about time you start figuring it out).
Tell them that you finishing isn’t optional , its part of the exercise!
I hope my pseudo rant wasn’t too one-sided, but come on ladies, sex is just as important in a relationship as long talks, staring into each other’s eyes, and romantic getaways.
(And besides, it is also a great deal of fun).