Rule #36- Sex Ed (For Adults)

When I was fourteen, a guidance counselor showed up at our school. She sat us all down in a semicircle and talked about birth control; the different kinds of  protection, STDs, HIV and how to use a condom.

This was followed by a short demonstration involving a volunteer, a packet of rubbers, and a banana.

After that, we all gathered round to take our tern trying out the technique.

Our sexual education at school consisted of safe sex and STD prevention. While these are both majorly important things, I still felt it was greatly lacking.

What about how to orgasm? Same-sex safe sex, toys, lube, positions?! What about all those other things you need to know about sex?!

There were just so many things that just didn’t occur to me that I didn’t know/learn before I discovered the internet. 

We don’t hesitate to spend hours researching what computer to buy, the best flight deals, or what smartphone to get, but somehow, educating ourselves about sex still isn’t  a given.

Sex Ed, This Time For Our Adult Selves:

1. Go on-line and enlighten yourself! There is so much out there to learn. Even if you are perfectly happy with your sex life, it is always worth discovering new things.

By this, I don’t mean watch porn and take notes (you can do that for fun afterwards). Read articles, check out sex toy reviews, learn about what lubricant/condoms are healthier to use.

2. Share the interesting things that you find with your partner/friends (I personally love when people email me sex related articles at work; I can read them while procrastinating, and pretend they’re research for my blog).

Exploring these things together really is a good deal of fun.

3. If there is something you always fantasized about, check it out. You may discover that that thing you always wanted to try, but were too embarrassed, is really something that everybody does!

The amazing thing about the on-line community is that if you’re into something a little different, you will almost always find someone else out there who is too.

4. While those ladies’ magazines we read at the dentist’s may be good for ‘1001 must-try sex positions for an airplane bathroom’, they don’t always address the more embarrassing aspects of sex. Things like birth-control side effects, infection avoidance techniques, sanitation issues and how to deal with having trouble finishing during intercourse (a more common state of affairs than mass media outlets would have us believe).

All those things that happen during sex that are mortifying, and we think they have only happened to us! (like dare I say it? Queefing).

In an age where sexual education is still so selective, it really does come down to our own curiosity.

Until the education system faces the fact that sex ed runs a lot deeper than just ‘here kids, if you’re not going to listen to us and abstain, at least use this condom’. Because we grow up not knowing so many important things. Imagine all those awkward moments, frustrating sexscapades, all those UTI’s you could have prevented if you had known better. Sex, like everything else, has its learning curve; when we were younger, it was through trial and error, and now, through experimentation and education.

But at the end of the day, there is so much important information out there we should know about sex (beyond STD prevention), and it’s about time we started to refresh our own ‘sexual database’ .

40 comments

  1. awesome post! the banana must feel like the most abused fruit in history :)
    its a pity that for unknown reasons, sex toys are banned in India! You can find them here and there but legally they are a no-no.No wonder our populations exploded!

      1. My mum spent some time living in Malaysia while my father was stationed there, she said you cannot get a sex toy there, however, you can get ‘massage items which vibrate’ that are shaped like a very basic dildo, ie a straight bullet shape. Where there is a will, there is a way.

      2. When I was in college a friend of mine sponsored a sex education seminar in the one of the dorm lounges. I volunteered to participate in the “banana demonstration” and dropped the banana on the floor.

  2. It’s so true what you mention in your post. Most of us got our semi-sexual education from peers or from older people we knew, and looking back at what was taught to me, I can fairly say it was all BS. The way I learned safe sex and same-sex sex was through experimenting, which in the beginning led to a lot of mistakes and preventable pain. Thank you for sharing this post, it’s very important to make people understand what is and what isn’t a knowledgeable and healthy behavior towards sex

  3. So true! I feel like sex ed is still so prude here in the US, when we’d really be doing ourselves a favor being educated about it more before those embarrassing things actually take place. More importantly, I think people are ashamed/embarrassed to admit their desires/wants in a relationship for fear of rejection or ridicule, when in reality it’s totally awesome to be in a relationship where you can freely discuss those things with your partner. The internet is great for research and realizing you’re probably not alone!

    Stephanie

  4. I agree. There is so much more that kids should know about sex, not only physical factors, but emotional as well. When I began having sex, I didn’t know about that sneaky little hormone called oxytocin, aka “the snuggling hormone”. It’s basically the hormone that makes us feel more connected with our partner post-sex, and to an impressionable teenage girl, that hormone can feel a lot like love. Had I known about it, I would have wasted less time trying to keep dating the losers I’d slept with. Which is not to say you shouldn’t date the person you sleep with, but I feel that I went through more heartache than was necessary because I thought I was really in love with the guy I was with, regardless of how he treated me. Sex education needs to change and evolve with the changing times. Sex is no longer a closet issue that stays between a husband and wife in the dark of their bedroom. Sex is all around us, especially in the media. Our youth is constantly bombarded with images, songs, movies, clothing, and so much more that is very sexual, and they are expected not to act on their urges? Hypocrisy.

  5. Such a great and honest post! I definitely agree that the sex education as well as the education on drugs and alcohol should be revised as they seem so dated now.
    I don’t know how I’d feel about my teachers giving me a ‘how-to’ guide at 16/17 and if I’d even listen but reassuring us that some things are very common that are not necessarily talked about would make a lot of people feel more comfortable.

    Jess

  6. I want to say thank you for writing this post because I too am passionate about well-rounded sex positive sex education. It’s incredibly important considering it’s a huge part of all our lives and it should not be left a mystery! I’ve read about a handful of your posts and I plan on getting to all of them…probably in the next 24 hours.
    Sam

  7. Hi,
    I’m pleased you visited my blog as I’m giving a look at yours, and must say it’s interesting. Hope you will be back to read me… thx
    tony

  8. I definitely agree with all you said! There is so much they don’t teach! (Especially since my school did abstinence only) I was lucky to have friends who told me a lot – and I did a lot of google searches :)

  9. when I was at school sex education was very similair, we learnt so much about not getting an STD/ STI, but we were never taught about the emotional side, positions etc. I do understand this did change after I left and students are now taught about positions and other things. This doesn’t impress parents and quite a number opt out.

    1. They should ask parents to come and teach at schools! They did after all make their children! It would also teach them that it is not a shameful action.

      1. It really bothers me that parents have a problem with children receiving sex education, i think it is essential and should be properly taught. I had really open parents who were happy to talk abot sex etc. You would think that the ones who were embarrassed would be glad someone else was giving their child the bird and the bees talk!

      2. Exactly and seeing as it has since evolved from the birds and the bees to the birds, bees and potential wasps that ease of someone else doing the ‘dirty work’ should be appreciated!

      3. I think you need to have young adults (who are closer in age to the kids), split them up according gender and talk about these things properly, questions, answers and everything else teens need to know.

      4. Good idea! Although maybe a young parent or two just to shake up the mix! Maybe that could be a way of getting people off benefits and getting them into teaching!

      5. I die a little bit inside every time i see my mum dancing at a function let alone talking about sex but then I am sure she would have been seen as the ‘cool’ mum!!

  10. If there were a lot more people who openly spoke about the subject rather than shying away from it like it was some dirty dark secret that nobody ever speaks of there would be a lot less to worry about. I went to a catholic all girls school and the education went as far as your banana picture above and I believe it was by a nun! Now I am in no way trying to offend but really – when has a nun even had to use a condom? Are they not meant to abstain from sex altogether and be at one with their lord?!

    I think I better stop there as there is just too much to say on this subject!

    1. I now have the funniest mental picture (:
      o dear, it must be mortifying to be a nun and try to teach sex ed, in fact it must be quite disconcerting being in the audience. I really hope things start to change soon.

      1. Well thankfully I am many years out of school and seem to have broken into the world of sexual pleasures on my own! But those poor kids if it carries on won’t know what has hit them!

  11. definitely some better material available to enhance ones sex life, too bad it took me like twenty years to discover that sex was amazing.

  12. Thanks for dropping by my post, although I can’t imagine what attracted you to one so different from your own. Obviously, your writing fills a niche market and is much appreciated by youngsters in the dating age bracket. Good luck with future posts.

  13. Thanks for liking my Hobbit post! This is a fascinating blog. My sex ed was a pathetic movie shown to girls only about menstration in 5th grade and my mother handing me some awful booklets– the rest was from talking to friends. Much of what you write isn’t just for those in the dating scene- old married folks like me can also pick up a tip or two!

  14. I think you are lucky you were shown how to put a condom on a banana! My first attempt at doing that I got told off for ‘not leaving anywhere for the white stuff to go’!!

  15. We had a much more complete sex ed course as part of a college freshman resident hall meeting, and it was great. All that good stuff about sex toys and orgasms… I even remember a coffee table book being passed around that had nothing but photos of vaginas so we’d all feel more comfortable with our own. :) Great post- and agreed!

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